Finally, after staring for about half an hour on my laptop's screen, I wrote something to start this post.

Sometimes it's really hard to put up in words how you feel because you just can't find a word to describe it. I feel it most of the time, like I do now. It's when there's a lot going on inside your head that all you can do is stare. But you have to give it a try; to write something; to find the right words your mind has been screaming; to let it all out.

So here, I am, trying.

My last post was about me prioritizing. It was about me going back to school. It was the happy, excited, and determined me. But then I lost it; all of it. I was happy, excited, and determined. I really did want to go back to school. But a thing happened that made me change my mind.

About two weeks ago, I had a conversation with my mom. It was a serious one. She's working abroad and she's the only one supporting us financially. She told me that she might lose her work anytime now because the economy there is not really that good unlike before. I'm happy and worried at the same time. Happy because that means she'll be coming back home and we will be together again. Worried because who's going to support us now? The economy here is not that good either. And mom's getting older now. And I'm still not done with college. Also, I have three sisters.

It's a lot of pressure and frustration thinking about it. After a week, I decided to change priorities. My mom, however, is not forcing me to work nor asking me to forget about going back to school. She wants the best for me. But I am the eldest among my siblings and I do have a lot of responsibilities. In the first place, I should have been working now if only I finished schooling in time.

I want to finish college, maybe now is not my time. Besides, it's never too late to learn and go to school. For now, I want to find a job and work to help my mom. She's been working all her life and she's been doing it alone. It's about time I help her.

My mom doesn't know about my decision yet. But I am going to tell her soon. I already applied for a job and hopefully they'll hire me. I'm not sure if I made the "right" choice but I'm certain that it's not wrong either.

There, I feel better now.