I badly want to have a job or any source of income right now. I've been searching for two months now and I still don't get any. Not because I fail at applications but because I did not apply for anything at all! That sounds lame but yeah, seriously, I don't even submit a resume anywhere. The thing is even though I really want a job, I have to restrain myself from getting it just for now.

Since last month, I need to ask myself first, "Is it really what I need right now?", every time I think about it. I mean, I stopped schooling because of lots of things running in my mind which took every inch of focus I have on my studies. And that's the problem, I stopped not because I can't afford to study, more so not to get a job; but to find a solution to my lack of focus and to go back to college as soon as possible. Having a job will not solve that, though it may take away my frustrations for a while. However, it doesn't guarantees that I'll be able to somehow find my way back to schooling.

Prioritizing is not easy for me. I once tried seeing my destiny (or whatever) through Rune Cards during an org activity two/three years ago. It's not a tarot card that shows you your specific future; rather, it is more like a guide in life. It works this way: you'll pick three cards and those cards will represent your past, present, and future. I can't remember anymore what are the cards I've picked before. What I remember is that it is spot-on right! I don't really believe on stuff like that but I guess it worked in a way I cannot explain but real. So according to the cards, my past says something like I've had fair amount of accomplishments; my present says I want to do lots of different things; and my future tells me that I'll have a problem which way to go first. See, there's no denying it and it's not just Barnum Effect. It actually explains a lot about where I am right now in life. However, I regret that I did not heed the warnings and now I am at my worst.

So much for the drama! Anyway, I've decided to go back to school already because I understand now why such things happened and that I am ready to face life again more than ever. ;) For that to happen, I need to settle my ineligibility so that I can enroll again for the next sem which means I need to forget about working for the meantime. This is me, picking one road and focusing on that one until I get to the end of it. Or maybe I'll get a part-time job once I got back to school. Haha! :P